I remember us talking about Chief Bromden and how he feels
too much for other people and can perceive so much in a person that it just hurts. I thought this was an amazing realization, because I think everyone can relate. Unless you are a cold, heartless individual (or simply have no friends, and if this is the case, I'm sorry to hear that, but here is a pat on the back to make you feel better), everyone has experienced pain through someone else's emotions. Really, almost any situation that evokes an emotion of sadness or anger works; when a friend's relative dies, if their parents are going through a divorce, or maybe they just bombed a huge test and are on the verge of tears.I have had all these things happen to close friends of mine, but never to myself. The emotions I feel are nothing in comparison to the friend who has to literally deal with whatever problem at hand, but I still cannot help but share some of their pain as well. When I see a friend (or almost anyone, for that matter) hurt and physically/mentally breaking down due to all the mixed emotions bottled up inside, it is hard to deal with. It's hard because, as much as I like to think I can help my friend, I know there is absolutely nothing I could do to ease their pain. I can sense what they are going through, but I am powerless to help.
That is a different level of pain.
That is empathy.
Would I like to live as Chief Bromden wants to though? In a fog of nothingness where no one can reach me?
No, never. The pain is unbearable sometimes, but that's the price we pay for the relationships we form. It doesn't matter who the relationship is with, to be honest. Whether it be a parent, friend, teacher, acquaintance, or virtually anyone we meet, every relationship has pain embedded into it. On the flip-side, however, there is also happiness embedded as well. Think of it as equivalent exchange. There is never happiness without pain, but there is never pain without happiness either. Someone may challenge me on this, but I think it makes perfect sense. The death of a friend or a parent? Where is the happiness in that, you say? Well, there is happiness in their memory, in the bond that you shared with them while they were alive. By no means am I suggesting that people should feel happy when there is a death, or if something terrible happens to them, but I am simply saying that there is always a give-and-take in any relationship. There will be good times, and there will be bad times.
Empathy can hurt, but I think it pays off in the long run. Hopefully, Chief Bromden will stay away from that fog from now on, because socializing might do him some good.
Marc, I know what you mean about empathy hurting. It is a natural human reaction to feel in tune with the emotions of people around you and react accordingly. However, I can also really relate to Chief's desire to escape that. There have been times in my life when I wished I could just forget about something and go back to acting ignorantly blissful. Feeling sad, angry, scared, or lonely is no fun. But I guess if we truly want to feel the good emotions, we have to deal with the bad ones too.
ReplyDeleteWow Marc, what a thoughtful post! I agree that happiness comes from sad times. They always say, "The darkness comes just before the dawn". I also would like to assert that everything happens for a reason. Thinking back to The Namesake, once Ashoke dies, Ashima finally had growth as an individual. Sometimes things happen that we cannot explain, but we just have to believe there is a plan for us. I too have experienced this sense of helplessness. In Africa, I could not rebuke the diseases of the children, but I could put a smile on their face with a hug. I think Chief Broomden is wrong to rid himself of relationships, it’s sad to see such an empathetic person go to waste.
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